Pero tú, oh YHWH, eres escudo alrededor de mí; eres mi gloria y el que levanta mi cabeza. sa

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Empty Promises

I'm wondering if, by the end of my stint as a mom of teenagers, I will have any hair left on my head? It seems as if every new day introduces, along with its joys, it's share of disappointments too. And so I began to I, as a one of God's children leave Him with the same feeling? Does He ever wonder..."By the time I get her where I want her...Will we be on the other side of eternity?" How many times lately have one of my children used something I want to see them do, as a bargaining chip, for something they want to get out of me? Something like, "But Mom, I will clean the whole basement tomorrow night...If you will just say yes and let me go to my friend's house to spend the night." And when tomorrow night rolls around...the boy, who was so full of promises the night before, walks in the door and collapses on the couch...exhausted from cavorting around with his buddy all over town...and promptly...falls asleep. I'm left holding a handful of empty promises. I know how disappointed I feel when I realize that I gave and got nothing in return. So I outsmart the child and begin to require more of him BEFORE I give the reward...Then, I began to think...How many times have I promised God that I would do better? Or begged Him for an answer to prayer and followed that with "God I will do anything!" And then He answers and over time I forget the promises I made? How many times have I told Him I would prioritize things and put His desires for me above those I have for myself? And how many times, I realize that I am still putting Him on the backburner...and leaving Him standing there with a handful of broken promises...from me? I can only imagine the hurt that I feel, must be minimal compared to the hurt He feels...To even compare a dirty room...or unfinished school work to the magnitude of what God did for me is pretty much incomparable ...God's bargaining chip was so much more...The life of His only Son...Rejected...Ridiculed...and I know the pain He must feel from my disappointments must be magnified to incomprehensible proportions. And yet, His mercies are new every morning. I stumble; He picks me up. I fail Him; He holds me fast...and once again, I will try to remember...not to leave my Father holding a handful of empty promises.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Thanksgiving...Christmas...There will be a constant stream of "Hey mom...can you make us some cookies? Hey mom...can you make some brownies for the movie? Hey mom...Hey mom...Hey mom!!" It seems that my kid's heads dream of sweets and the holidays aren't the holidays unless the house smells constantly like a HOME...The treats, the hot chocolate and the Christmas tree lights mixed together with board games and movies at night...will hold them over until Christmas morning. So here's the thing...My mom passed something on to me last week; my grandmother's stand mixer. Truthfully, I can say...If side by side...I had the choice of the newer KitchenAid or my Grandmother Carter's mixer...I would choose the latter. I can't really explain the feeling it gave me to turn that machine on and use it for the first time. That mixer goes back all the way into my childhood...maybe even before I was a gleam in my daddy's eye... And wouldn't you know? It still looks brand new. In my mind I could almost picture the many times she must have stood in her kitchen and used that mixer for the things her family loved...or used it to make something to take alongside her pastor/husband to a church member in need or who had lost a loved one. I know that she spread a lot of love around using that little machine. This may seem silly to some...but to mom passing that mixer on to me...meant a whole lot. I guess I could sum it up by saying that I can only hope...that like the passing of that mixer down thru the family line...that the heritage and the love that was passed from Grandmother Carter to her children, and from my mom to her children...will continue to be passed from this mom to my children. I look at the two women before me...My Grandmother and my Mom...and I just hope that one day...I will have given to my children what was given to me...Love, Heritage, Faith...How a mixer could invoke feelings so strong...I can't explain...Maybe it was because of the amount of love that has passed through this family, from generation to generation. For that I am thankful...I just hope as time prods along and I continue to grow up (yeah that may never happen)...that I will one day be able to measure up...alongside those two ladies...My Grandmother and my Mom...