Wednesday, November 25, 2009
I'm wondering if, by the end of my stint as a mom of teenagers, I will have any hair left on my head? It seems as if every new day introduces, along with its joys, it's share of disappointments too. And so I began to wonder...do I, as a one of God's children leave Him with the same feeling? Does He ever wonder..."By the time I get her where I want her...Will we be on the other side of eternity?" How many times lately have one of my children used something I want to see them do, as a bargaining chip, for something they want to get out of me? Something like, "But Mom, I will clean the whole basement tomorrow night...If you will just say yes and let me go to my friend's house to spend the night." And when tomorrow night rolls around...the boy, who was so full of promises the night before, walks in the door and collapses on the couch...exhausted from cavorting around with his buddy all over town...and promptly...falls asleep. I'm left holding a handful of empty promises. I know how disappointed I feel when I realize that I gave and got nothing in return. So I outsmart the child and begin to require more of him BEFORE I give the reward...Then, I began to think...How many times have I promised God that I would do better? Or begged Him for an answer to prayer and followed that with "God I will do anything!" And then He answers and over time I forget the promises I made? How many times have I told Him I would prioritize things and put His desires for me above those I have for myself? And how many times, later...do I realize that I am still putting Him on the backburner...and leaving Him standing there with a handful of broken promises...from me? I can only imagine the hurt that I feel, must be minimal compared to the hurt He feels...To even compare a dirty room...or unfinished school work to the magnitude of what God did for me is pretty much incomparable ...God's bargaining chip was so much more...The life of His only Son...Rejected...Ridiculed...and Crucified...so I know the pain He must feel from my disappointments must be magnified to incomprehensible proportions. And yet, His mercies are new every morning. I stumble; He picks me up. I fail Him; He holds me fast...and once again, I will try to remember...not to leave my Father holding a handful of empty promises.